MOURNING דצמבר

TO YOU

Just a quick note thinking of you
my thoughts remind me what I'm about to go through
It's gonna be a year
It's coming the day I fear
I don't know how I've come to be here
I have seen to be ok but I haven't been to be sincere
because it is actually you that is not here
and I miss you everyday, I must say
I've been sharing smiles and tears 
never have cried so much in my life
never have missed so much in my life
It's not like this condition of always wanting more
and I'm still human anyway
but it's like since you passed away
I've never felt a least completely happy one day
cause I really really miss you in every, every single way
and the day is getting closer, 
my heart starts beating faster
through all these months
I knew the day was going to come
but I've never felt so alone 
not only on christmas, your birthday,
my birthday was a day so long
I've been listening to the same music 
you heard me playing a year ago
these are your songs
I see your photos and I fear that in a few days
the most recent will only be from two years ago
I fear I cannot be that strong
I fear to live in a world where I'm completely alone
I mean, without you, I mean, with you I'd like to
fear is all around me 
I'm clueless what to do
a river flows inside me
I will not know until it happens
I will not know until I get through it
people can say whatever but they won't know
until it happens to them, until they have a loss
and such a loss, the ones that are special though
the hole it leaves, and how you have to find somehow
a way to fill it up with highs not lows, every positive thing around
my hands are cold, like you
like the last time I hold your hair, your hands, I cried inside
and the exact day, I mean number, it's coming like an avalanche
it's pain, it's fear, it's the feeling of not knowing what to do with me
thinking of you, missing you, not knowing where to be without you
I need to keep going send me strength
cause I'm gonna miss you like hell that fatidic day
and it could be pretty normal, I might be thinking too much
I just can't avoid this emptiness, can't help missing you so much
I love you and I will always love you until my heart, I mean mind,
I mean heartbeat, stop.

5:31am
14122016 

😢

Oooh Oooh

Ay, ay, sing along, baby

Then your heartbeat

Bleeds underground now

the only time

only with me

only when things breaking

ay, ay, oh no

then your heart bleeds underground now