UNPREPARED

Coming home
To a place that's called home
Until bills can be paid 
The rent doesn't wait
And light could go away
Like it's turning off inside
Wishing sometimes there was a place to hide
Where I can't be kicked out
Tears reach my mouth 
There's no doubt 
Life has changed completely
Like I knew it could 
But I felt unprepared 
Now it all could be thrown away
I can't only cry
All of this is happening 
There must be a reason why
Still I can't help to cry

Feel like doors are closing 
Right in front of me
I'm alone
Not so alone until I have my baby girl with me
But still she can't pay the bills with me
All I want is us to be ok
I could do more to give her a proper home
I could do more for us
If only I had my angel sitting next to me
She could erase all of these tears
This is when I think of the past 
What could have been done
Great memories are forever to last
Present just doesn't feel right 
To be so close from being kicked off 
From  the place I have learned to call home
Knowing she's not here alive to save me 
Only I can do something about this
But I don't see how now
To be without them I wasn't taught

Stormy nights
Hopeless thoughts
Closing doors
Fading light
There was a time for you and I
My angel come and take me with your light
Keep me away from suicide
I'm not that strong to leave
I'm not that strong to stay here
I guess this is hell 
And it's not a place beyond 
It's enough to be alive 
and feeling you're living a hopeless life
A life without the warmth of family
Without my angel 
to hold my hand when I'm sad
Somehow I feel you're here for me
Telling me it all will pass 
But how long will I carry 
this weight on my back 
It's too heavy to bear it
It's too soon to bury it
I'm unprepared for the life I'm living
I'm trying to find a way out for it
But with every door closing 
I just feel hopeless and cry for it

I'm trying to live a life that's not empty
I have my baby girl around me
I have my angels watching over me
And every step I take 
I'm paying in this hell the mistakes I've made
Soon I could be homeless
Only when you're about to lose
You worth everything you have and do
I've lost a family, my girls, my human angel
Been taken out of the house I grew up 
Been taken out from the right to drive her car
Been hit on the back 
and my bicycle suffered the crash
Been left out with debts I can't afford to pay 
Been depressed, been stressed
been talking about it with friends
To forget for a while and then it's all still there
Haven't been taken seriously, 
Like I have no talent or something remarkable
Like It's not worth to be well paid 
For what I studied
Maybe I didn't choose a good career
Maybe I am the problem and I'm not good for it
Or maybe I'm not good enough for anything

Still I think this has a reason why
Even if there's none 
I think that's called last hope
No one knows their day to die
Being it soon or not I hope to leave with a smile
One last good memory to close my eyes
And if there's something beyond to join 
The ones I love and be a voice of hope 
For the ones asking for a last hope 
We're all a different world 
And some of us feel unheard
But there are things we don't know
And if there's a reason why it all is going so wrong
It all could still get better 
And that's what I call a last hope
I could be a depressing dreamer
I shouldn't be on planet earth 
The land for the strong to live 
For this life I live
I'm unprepared. 

1:05am