BLAME

Don't really know how to start

I've been here, it's not the first time

Let's say I'm getting used to this

Still I hurt, still I miss

Feels like a nightmare, a loop

I'm aware, I'm a fool

First I get to know someone

I know somehow it won't work

I block myself all the time

Still got many issues to solve

Like I haven't realized I'm the one

Who's gonna end up alone after all

The thing is I believe when they say it's special 

It seems like I don't but I'm just wearing a mask

All I want is someone to be here no matter what

I wish I could give my all to that but it takes time

Energy and shit that probably I don't even have

I can't be the one with everything they want

No one really is but I really try and try hard

At least at some point I think I'm trying hard

Turns out I'm just messing up, 

Then again I fail,  I wish they could understand

But only family is there to help you stand up

After every mistake you could make, 

They won't set you apart, in general, it is like that

When you don't have that group of people 

To hold your back, to be there, to understand

You search for it, a home, somebody else's hand

You wonder if you'll ever gonna have it back 

You think you'll meet them again some time

You see them in your dreams, you wake up and cry

Cause it's the life you have had to live

And you must feel lucky you're still here

There's a chance everyday, I'm aware of all that

But it feels like endlessly I'll keep on searching

Then feeling deceived, like I'm nothing

Cause everyone has a life, and I could die alone 

Looking for a human who is also alone 

To give each other the strength to keep going

To stand up

I'm doing it wrong 

And I need to

I really need to

I truly need to 

Understand

That. 

Who's gonna make you breakfast when you don't want to wake up? 

No one

Who's gonna wake you up when you're late or say: "hurry up!"? 

No one

Who's gonna help you pay your bills or worry if you eat day and night? 

No one

Who is there for you to speak your mind when it gets dark, like at least to say hi and you know they really expected your call? 

No one

Who cares how you feel and dares to ask you if you're fine even when you are all smiles? 

No one

Who is there in the living room or next door waiting to say good morning, goodnight? 

No one

Who says: "you can come over"  without becoming a burden after some time? 

No one

Who understands this better than I do?! 

No one

But me

As if I was praying 

I've been begging to life to show me

Something I can rely on

Be it a relationship, be it a mission 

But something to get me out of this confusion

And nothing seems to work

Hurry up! Enough thinking! You're late for work! 

The noise, people, like robots, just walk

Running to the bus stop

There's not enough balance in your card

Walk faster, smoke quicker

You're fucked up again, you're late

Give a good smile

Feeling like shit inside 

What could've been a good day

Turned out to be another shit day

I didn't make things right 

No matter how I make it up

It will always look fucking bad

As bad as I feel as bad as they think

But who cares, right? 

I've been through worse shit 

I can handle all that

Never ending excuses make me feel like shit

Like if I could cope with everything

Cause I am and I've been strong 

After all, oh shit all I've had to suffer

Yeah right

Good thing is I can see it from every angle

The poor victim, the sceptic, the one who doesn't give a fuck, the one who wants to help himself to change and all that, the sparkling hope kind of guy,

But when I feel like shit I just don't know 

who I really am, 

I may turn to one of these sides I mentioned before

But is it really a way to solve what is wrong in my mind? 

I'd rather a hug, no words for 5 minutes, an hour, whatever it could take and someone else to care, 

So I could just cry and cry and cry and speak out my mind and let go in real life of these things that won't let me be real and know that I really can do what I want, be who I want, 

It would help me to understand

all these things with a hug coming from someone else's heart, something home like, a hug and a smile

Cause then again I swallow these things alone 

and I hide. 

You're too good

It hurts

Cause I'm wrong

And it burns

Just to know, 

In a hole

Rest my thoughts

I cause harm

You're too warm

Sorry, I'm a coldhearted man

You see hearts

I see stones

You see smiles 

I see holes

It never ends

The pain of heartbreak

I'd say I like you

You'd say you like me more 

Just like the first time 

As it's been before

Don't fall, try not to fall

Run before you realize

That I'm just not enough 

It's not the same for me

Your meaning of love

It passed like a shooting star above

Could be hard

To let go

But you're smart

Don't hold on

It won't end

The pain of heartbreak

It's a warning message 

Probably we won't see it grow

The seed of love,

I have issues, a whole baggage

Don't blame me if it's over

I already knew I was not enough

We can try

Or let go

Before it's too late

It feels good with you

Probably it could end

The pain of heartbreak

Could be real

Could be not 

Don't blame me if it won't 

You knew I was not enough.

3:11am

15032018

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Eric Clapton, Will Jennings

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
Come here, you can meet me in the back
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you
Oh damn, never seen that color blue
Just think of the fun things we could do
'Cause I like you

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate

Third floor on the West Side, me and you
Handsome, your mansion with a view
Do the girls back home touch you like I do?
Long night, with your hands up in my hair
Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs
Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share
'Cause I like you

This ain't for the best
My reputation's never been worse, so
You must like me for me
Yeah, I want you
We can't make
Any promises now, can we, babe?
But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Delicate

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you're mine, all the damn time
'Cause I like you

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you

Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
'Cause I like you

Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate (delicate)
Yeah, I want you

Is it cool that I said all that
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Delicate

Taylor Swift, Max Martín, Karl Johan Schuster